i said something pretty nasty to a complete stranger the other day

i feel so awful.

i received a phone call the other day, a number i did not recognize.  i was obviously way out of character since i answered the call, rather than opting for my normal behaviour of letting it go to voicemail.  its  a lady, and she’s only speaking in spanish.

she asks for someone else.  i tell her she has the wrong.  she continues to see if there’s someone around who goes by that name, but i tell her this is my cellphone, and she’s definitely got the wrong number.

she attempts to explain to me her reason for calling.  i think she was referred for a job or something.  i’m not really trying to hear it, seeing as how at this point of the night, i decided i was gonna be a big asshole.  She asked for my name.  I tell her “Alex.”

She keeps going on and on about herself and to ask if I knew this guy.  I keep telling her no.  I dont know why i just didnt hang up the phone at that moment.  For a moment i thought i was just entertaining a prank call, and hoping soon enough i’ll find out who this caller was.  She asked for my name again.

I told her my name is verga.  and i clicked her off. 

For those who dont know spanish, verga is like the rudest, nastiest way of saying dick or cock.  it is like supernasty, and i never used that word towards anyone in my life.  the only times i ever used that word was when i referring to it in a joking way when my brother used it say when playing videogames or watching sports.

which is why my brother was very surprised when he heard me saying it.  and he made me feel pretty bad about it, pointing out how inappropriate I was.

after the phone call, my bro mentioned that maybe we did know who the call was going to, which i guess is a possibility, but i doubt it, i dont really communicate with much of my extended family at all.

just at this moment i did one those reverse look-up things where you enter a phone number and a name popped up!  i feel like a such a creep for even doing it, but the name that appears is one i dont recognize.  it is a name of a woman and it is definitely of Latino origin.

i suck as a person.

i’m a bit of a moron when it comes to racial identity

i dont know if that’s even the correct phrasing for what im trying to covey.  maybe it’s a good thing the internet is around to make me realize how much of a dufus i am.

Sasha Frere Jones is a writer for the New Yorker who recentlly posted an article entitled “A Paler Shade of White,” where he argues (or comes to terms with, maybe?) indie rock’s lack of Jamaican and/or Black American influence, considering rock and roll’s roots in Black history.  Pretty good article.  In his blog, he also links Lester Bangs’ seminal confessional “The White Noise Supremacists,” an article that left such an impression on me during my more formative years; it’s still such a treat for me to read after all these years.  Essentially, S/FJ harks back to the Bangs article and includes his unique, eloquent understanding of our scene.

Reading the comments of said article on okayplayer, and i come to find out S/FJ is a white guy.  i wasnt convinced, thinking to myself this was just message board chatter.  So i took my ass to google images to find out what the real is (i did the same with Julianne Shepherd about two years ago, since just by reading her stuff i had a crush on her and i had to know what she looked like).  this is what i found:

this is a picture of him a couple of years back.  he’s the one standing next to the RZA.

What!!!!!  A White Guy!!!!!  I read his writings every now and then, and never in my mind did I believe this guy was anything but a black man (his name, maybe?  the nature of his writing?).  initially, i thought he was a girl (Sasha, duh), but i kinda found out right away he was a dude.

sorry, S/FJ.  I know your race should not be a big deal at all.  your writing rocks, man!