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for the last couple of weeks i’ve been thinking about going back to Ecuador, like its something i need to do before i get to be too old to really appreciate what it is to set foot in a place before i consider it to be just a place for “vacationing”  i know that my tia Paola just visited; my cousin Ricky, my brother Ivan and our friend Simon are visiting during the new year and I am insanely jealous.

I can only blame myself.  i was asked by my brother about 3 or 4 years ago to tag along with him, and I simply said no.  I wish i had an explanation for this.  I think it was because i thought it would be too boring, that in the end i would still be dependant on my uncle and aunts with day-to-day situations (walking around, sightseeing, transportation, etc.)  Ideally i want to go by myself.  obviously it would be super-rude to go to Ecuador without touching base with relatives, so i guess i wanted to avoid it altogether. 

I wonder why it is that now i’m having these thoughts.  my financial suck-ness could not get worse in the matters of surplus cash, so even a domestic trip i would consider out of the question unless i didn’t mind being broke for a month.  the immigrant in me pictures a reverse diaspora where many like me, who have lived most of their lives in another country, would like to come back for a couple of weeks and see what comes of it.  but ultimately there’s a huge apprehensiveness (is this even a word?) on my part.  Ecuador never really belonged to me or vice versa, the same way I don’t necessarily belong here, even though I am a U.S. citizen.  For anyone who might think I’m weird for this, i believe Nationalism as a concept is something of a farce, a tool used for political purposes only to let you down in the long run.

I had a dream last night where my brother Ivan’s sister was here in the States on military leave or break (confusion sets in when i couldn’t identify what country she was fighting for).  She had just come from Iraq and found her way to Pennsylvania.  My brother insisted we go visit her.  By the time i woke up, I never did get to see her.  Yet I have this mental image of what she may look like, and at this point it is hard as hell to illustrate that into words.  To me it’s just a face, it may be a memory of a picture I may have seen some years back. 

that dream makes so much more sense to me now than it did eight hours back.



so, my sister got married last weekend.

that is to say, she’s been married for a year.  it happened in Vegas, as a matter of fact.  So she got married again, but she did it properly.  With authority.  She went all out.

a few differences from last year’s wedding to her wedding 2.o.  I wasnt there.  I regret it.  I heard it was great fun.  Theoretically it would have been more along my line of preference, too;  it was small and in a place where fun finds you.  But alas I wasnt there.  This year I was there, and there must have been something like 300 people, maybe more?  can’t say.  And I could have never imagined how much fun this wedding was going to be.

It was nutso.  Pretty much from the beginning people started drinking.  As soon as the ceremony was over, me and a couple of others snuck back to the limo to drink some warm brews.  No shame whatsoever.  In the limo, my brother Ivan got drenched with champagne (by mistake, granted)  Everyone kept putting ice in their warm beer like we were still in high school.

At the reception hall (very professionally run, by the way) everything was ready for us.  Any and every drink was available.  The food was excellent.  the hosts were very helpful and always looking out for you.  The only thing we had to worry about was the heat outside while taking pictures, but that was nothing a little Henessy or Johnny Black couldnt take care of.

anyway enough of the rant.  it was crazy, a lotta fun, people got drunk, i took some embarrassing pictures.  congrats to Naty and Nick.