You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘television’ category.


i’m sure there are tons of ESPN-connected clips all around the internet that prove many times over how foolish their content can be.  for example:

  • stories about Dana Jacobson and her “drinking tirade”
  • the doucehbaggery of Stephen A. Smith
  • Merrill Hodge’s constant attacks on Vince Young’s rookie year
  • the “point-counterpoint” segments with John Clayton and Sean Salisbury
  • Skip Bayless

the list goes on…and on…

But now the crowning achievement of all ESPN clips, quite possibly the greatest ever.  Thanks, Chris.  You fuckhead.



last week’s NY Giants victory was for your trash-talking brother Ronde.  This week is dedicated to you. 

You probably dont care too much, you have a cushy job at NBC and will probably say the Giants deserved yesterday’s victory.but you did yap your mouth re: Eli not being a leader.  the verdicts out on that, i admit, but i couldnt help but think about your lack of class for those preseason comments.

the Giants are in the NFC Championship game.  how about that?  i myself didnt think it was possible early on in the season.

Hopefully next week they’ll show up again.  Win or loss, it is still a remarkable turnaround for their late-season slump, up until that New England game.  just the thought of a postseason game at Lambeau Field seems appropriate.  what an atmosphere that will be.

Oh by the way, you picked the dullest outfit on Project Runway, Tiki.  you should’ve gone with the 3-piece suit.

random notes:

-it’s a bootleg show with late 90s  gameshow production ala Who wants to be a Millionaire (purple lighting, mysteriuos horns/synth, myriad moving spotlights).  too many commercials stiple the action.

-the Hulkster bringing his unique style of douschyness as expected, and Layla Ali with absolutely no on-stage presence.  maybe she should be a gladiator herself?

-powerball, i cant seem to recall the camera styles of the original program, but this just looked bad.  not to mention one of the contestants injured herself right away, leaving the other girl to essentially play one-on-two basketball with the gladiators.  the guys (or at least the red-uniformed one), however, was leaving the gladiators in the dust;  just too much speed.

-Wolf proving to be the biggest jerk right off the bat with (you guessed it) his signature howl.  at least he’s funny.  Crush so far is my favorite female gladiator.

-ahh the classic Joust, but this time above a giant pool.  they should probably make the water smelly to give the contestants extra incentive.  or add some pirahnas.  i dont like the pool idea at all.  it reminds me of the show Dog Eat Dog that used the same tactic to very predictable and plain-old-bad results.  the quick-editing camera cuts ruined this otherwise good matchup.

-so far not a good start.  bring Larry Czonka back.

-Earthquake, new competition, wrestling on an elevated circle, and trying not to be thrown off, or throw out the gladiator.  not bad really

-Hit and Run is just plain dumb.  why incorporate Frogger to this kind of competition?

-Pyramid was cool.  pretty much “king of the mountain” logic.

-it feels rigged.  i cant explain it, but it just does.

-wow 2 hours of this shit?  forget it.  its a wrap for this show.  the Elimanator was fun,  though.

Joe “that’s disgusting” Buck is pretty much hated on mostly (c) Crime Mob, and there’s good reason for it.  as the self annointed morality leader of sports broadcasters, he’s brought the profession to major lows that dont add up to his constant exposure.  admittedly, i can tolerate small portions of his banter during baseball season, but all bets are off during tackle football.

deadspin linked a clip of the joe buck show (featuring one of my favorites, the actor Paul Rudd) that was undergoing production.  as a betting man, i would say this hasnt a shot in hell of making the airwaves.  but knowing how bad i am at gambling, this may see the light of day aftert all.

much like other internet trolls, i gawk at hot news reporters/weather chicks.  and a time-tested fact is there’s no better place to get your perv on than Latino news programs.

i know there’s no way to sound creepy while writing one of these douchy diatribes, but i’ll do my best to keep it subtle.  Mary Gamarra is by far the hottest chick doing this whole “telling the weather and looking damn good talking in front of a camera” game.  the reasons and visual evidence:

  • she’s classy
  • she’s classy
  • she’s classy and looks very fit

hello, not many people in this world can wear a dress like that and not totally skank it up, in public or in television.  she seems accessible (i’m probably fooling myself here), like i might have a chance with her (haha).  the consensus seems to be that Jackie Guerido is the baddest chick in the meteorologist game.  but in my humble opinion, there’s stench of snottiness with her good looks.  plus we all cant be like Don Omar and have easy access to her.  plus i don’t like her more recent bangs.  and she looks like she can let herself go in a few years.  I can picture a whole bunch of ho-males like the ones in Hot Chicks and Douche Bags following her around and leaving their nasty stench on her, leaving her even more repellent. 

back to Mary.  i want her to have my children.

On a similar note, i’ve noticed Karla Ramirez is one of the hosts in that awful morning program Despierta America.  For those Who don’t know, Karla used to host Control, another Univision show, about 7 years ago, i think.  and she looks great.  supposively she had a kid.  good for her!

quick confessional:  i never even knew what the Champions League was until a couple of years back, when the final match was Barcelona vs Arsenal.

now, i can’t not watch it.  every 3 weeks that matches are scheduled nothing separates me from the TV.  I know it would be more benificial to get my ass to the gym, but soccer rules!  and fuck it, it’s the European clubs.

but here in the US, my only outlet for CL games is the “ESPN family of networks,” and boy do they find ways to fuck it up for me.

I was looking forward to watching the Inter Milan vs Fenerbahce match, i dont really watch any Inter games, so it would be something new for me.  The alternative was Barcelona vs Lyons, and I watch Barca like every week.  I avoided the internet for a few hours before I got out work, left early, and made it home to watch the televised delay (the games are played in Europe, so the ESPN channels designate 3 matches, one live, and the they are all shown from 5 pm on).  I turn on the Inter game on ESPN Deportes only to find the fucking final score on the crawl only seconds after I get comfortable game.  The score was 3-0 Inter.

I turn to the Barcelona game on ESPN Classic; 10 minutes in the score is already 1-1.  It was a fast paced game, and both midfields were giving the other team plenty of pace to move arourn and make effective passes.  More chances to score for both sides during the first half.  In the 45th minute some argument arose between Xavi and Yaya Toure for god-knows-what reason, but Yaya would not let it go.  Barca skipper Frank Rijkaard  somehow gets invloved and he gets thrown out of the game.

The 2nd half featured the same kind of play-style, and eventually Messi was able to draw a foul inside the box and score the go-ahead goal;  he had been challenged by Juninho for the entire match and ventually one call had to go for the Argentine striker.  Moments later Puyol got away from a clear red card as he fouled Toure (i believe it was him) in a clear play towards a score.  it was outside the box and Puyol recieved only a yellow card.  It didnt matter, Juninho would later score on a penalty kick, tying the game 2-2.  That’s how it would end.

During the 2nd half, i was debating whether to see the Man U vs Sporting match or go see No Country for Old Men, but alas i saw the score yet again on the crawl.  2-1 Man U, it looked like a good game!  Made my decision a whole lot easier, and the movie kicked major ass, so I’m not mad.

Tomorrow’s matches feature Werder Bremen vs. Real Madrid facing off in Germany.  I better not mess this one up for myself.

here are all the earlier resuts.


for the last 8-10 weeks or so I stuck it out with 24, a show that even its absurdities lacked some entertainment value.  I have been a fan from day 1 (haha) and promised to finish what I started this season, knowing full well that there is a much better show at the same time on another channel (Heroes). 

So the arc of much of the season revolved around nuclear bombs exploding in California, and the pursuit of the terrorists involved.  It was a dull, lifeless plot that tried to touch on subjects of xenophobia to family relations.  One thing we do learn is that Jack Bauer’s family are a messed-up bunch.  His brother (Graem) is a moron who has always resented Jack, and his father (Philip) is pretty much Evil Jack Bauer, just as smart and cunning but ultimately just looking out for his own back and protecting some “legacy” of the Bauer family which he intends in nurturing though the kidnapping of his grandson (Josh, Graem’s “son”, who may really be Jack’s) and starting anew in China.  Philip Bauer makes deals both with the US government and the Chinese in order to get what he wants.

It is Josh Bauer who in fact says the titular line above and it really sums up the entire season.  When he said “my grandfather is crazy,” I literally laughed out loud and thought just how apprpriate that line is.  I mean, he is crazy.  HE’S THE ENTIRE REASON THAT SEASON EVEN EXISTED, SO TO SPEAK.  We were given the whole gamut of possible terrorists (Arabs, Chinese, Russians) and it was all really Jack’s nutty dad that was accountable for the actions of Day 6, and it was Josh, not Jack, who dealt the final blow on old Philip’s goals.

In the last few episodes the story stopped dealing with the nuclear attacks in California and focused on the interception of a component that would give the Chinese information on Russian weapons and military secrets (i think that’s what was happening anyway).  It was a more entertaining plotline and would serve as a vehicle to how far this show could go on without the presence of Jack Bauer.

The answer to this question is of course a resounding NO.  Many times throughout the season Jack would be apprehended by CTU to avoid his involvement in investigations (of course they would need him later, and he would comply because he loves this country so much).  But his loyalty to his very fractured country paralled his very fractured family/friends and just as messed up place of work, CTU.  He stays on path to salvage the only 3 things he loves, ultimately succeeding with one notable exception.  Audrey, who apparently went to China to look for Jack when the rest of his family, friends, and country left him for dead, was captured by the Chinese and tortured.  How long the effects of said torture are unknown, leaving Jack feeling responsible since he believes everything he loves turns to crap. 

That’s pretty much the season in a nutshell.  It was a very shaky season that ended strong as usual.  You pretty much get the feeling the writers kind of know how to start it, definitely know how to finish it, and wing it for about 17 of the episodes that take up the middle pact of the 24-episode season.  This is when you think that maybe these guys could pull off a 24 movie, hopefully not one that attempts the whole “real time” angle of the television series;  that idea has been flawed from around the second season.  It could be called “Jack Bauer is a badass and will kill you” or something like that. 

Back to the finale.  I wish this show would end, but it’s clear the writers know what they’re doing for at least the last episodes of the season, making the payoff ultimately satisfying to 24 fans (maybe not the general audience, which is something the network should just consider).  But alas, there was the guarantee at the end of the episode that there would indeed be another season of 24, and Jack will probably be in it.  With that said it was good to see the writers somewhat pander to the 24 faithful.  Here are some thoughts.

  • great to see Buchanan come to the help of Jack.  Ever since Tony Almeida’s death,  he has become my favorite character.  He understands Jack’s ways.  They have a quasi-homoerotic relationship.
  • Karen Hayes was cool as the bleeding heart liberal National Security Advisor.  You can tell she really resented conservative agenda, but wanted to sleep with Tom Lennox, sort of like a grotesque revenge fantasy? 
  • I hope Wayne Palmer is dead.  Vice president Daniels was even kissing his ass in the last episode.  It can’t work out for him.
  • What the hell was that conversation with Milo’s brother and Nadia?  Did he want her, too?  No big surprise there, since she’s very hot.
  • Chloe is preggers, and I don’t think it’s Morris’.
  • Jack will probably be back, but i can no longer watch this show.  its too much of a commiment every week.