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you’re not very refreshing at all, but you taste good.  i suppose if i wanted to quench my thirst, i would be drinking Coors Light, the brew that brags about how cold their beer is.  but it tastes like nothing, the nihilists of beers.  say what you want about fancy shmantzy draughts, but at least it’s an ethos.

you can make milkmustaches if you feel playful with a Guiness draught.  it looks stupid, but someone will get a laugh out of it. 

I dont look like all the rest of the pansies with their light beers.  it will cost you about a dollar more per drink, but it’s worth it.  besides, if you want to spend very little on a beer, the way to go is with PBR.  its very cheap and all the hipsters drink it!

i go through stages where i’m obsessed with a certain beer.  for about two years it was Samuel Adams.  every once in a while I would be approached by the unimformed asking me why I drink a Boston beer when I’m a Yankee fan.  Such simp questions needed no response, I just shrugged them off.  It tasted good, thats all i cared about.  not so much their seasonal beers, they all tasted like shit.  Ultimately, Sam Adams just gave me a headache, and headaches aren’t fun.

I used to be apprehensive with Guiness.  Only twice a year, I told myself.  One of those days inevitably was St. Patrick’s Day.  the next day, after many black and tans or irish car bombs, my fecal matter looked black.  Yes, very disgusting imagery.  But that’s real talk for that ass.

I’m a grown man now, or at the very least a grown boy, and I can handle my guiness.  No more black poop!  I appreciate the taste.  more importantly, a lightweight like myself can nurse it.